Viagra

I've been taking the new drug, Ginkgo Viagra. It's not for sex, it just helps me remember what the fuck I'm doing...

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THE TOP MARKETING SLOGANS FOR VIAGRA:

• Viagra, It's "Whaazzzzz Up!"

• Viagra, Like a rock!

• Viagra, Be all that you can be.*

• Viagra, Reach out and touch someone.

• Viagra, We bring good things to life!

Viagra, The quicker pecker upper

* Viagra, One-a-day, like iron

* Viagra, When it absolutely, positively has to be there tonight

* Viagra, Home of the whopper

* Viagra, It plumps when you take 'em

* Viagra, Strong enough for a man, but made for a woman

* Viagra, Tastes great, more filling

* Viagra, Ten inches long ... and growing.

* Viagra, We work harder, so you don't have to.

and the number one slogan being considered by Viagra:

* This is your penis. This is your penis on drugs.  Any questions?

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A woman asks her husband if he'd like some breakfast, bacon eggs, perhaps a slice of toast? An Aitken's buttery? Grapefruit with ginger and coffee to follow? He declines.

"It's this Viagra", he says, "It's really taken the edge off my appetite."

At lunch time, she asks if he would like something. A bowl of home made soup, maybe, with (mmmm) a cheese sandwich? Perhaps a plate of snacks and a glass of milk?

He declines. "It's this Viagra", he says, "It's really taken the edge off my appetite."

Come teatime, she asks if he wants anything to eat. She'll go to the cafe and buy him a burger supper. Maybe a red pudding or a steak pie? Maybe he'd like a pizza microwaved? Or a tasty stir fry that would only take a couple of minutes?

He declines. "It's this Viagra", he says, "It's really taken the edge off my appetite."

"Well", she says, "Would you mind getting off me? I'm starving!

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HOW TO TELL IF YOUR VIAGRA IS WORKING:

- At work, they call you a spiritualist because when you sit down at a meeting, the table floats.

- Your face is very pale due to lack of blood.

- When you walk into a sauna, everyone stands and applauds. They begin to call you "the tripod."

- You begin to think your mother in law is pretty.

- Sunbathing nude outside standing: Birds perch on it.

- Sunbathing nude outside lying down: You look like a sundial.

- Everyone at the bank, grocery, etc... lets you go to the front of the line...

- Compared to you, Pinocchio doesn't look like such a liar.

- You always lose limbo contests.

- Lewinsky wants you to be president someday.

- You can make drawings in the sand without having to find a stick.

- You like to sleep on your back, so you had to remove the ceiling fan. 

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They've combined Viagra with Doan's Pills. The combination insures that your back doesn't peter out and your peter doesn't back out.

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An elderly man goes into confession and says to the priest, "Father, I'm 80 years old, married, have four kids and 11 grandchildren. I started taking this new Viagra pill, and last night I had an affair and made love to two 18-year-old girls. Both of them. Twice."

The priest said: "Well, my son, when was the last time you were in confession?"

"Never Father, I'm Jewish."

"So then, why are you telling me?"

"I'm telling everybody!"