Shipwrecked

An ambitious yuppie finally decided to take a vacation. He booked himself on a Caribbean cruise and proceeded to have the time of his life. ...till the boat sank. The man found himself swept up on the shore of an island with no other people, no supplies, nothing. Only bananas and coconuts.

After about four months he is lying on the beach one day, when the most gorgeous woman he had ever seen rows up to him. In disbelief, he asked her: "Where did you come from? How did you get here?"

"I rowed from the other side of the island." she said, "I landed here when my cruise ship sank".

"Amazing," he said, "You were really lucky to have a rowboat wash up with you".

"Oh this?" replied the woman "I made the rowboat out of raw material that I found on the island, the oars were whittled from Gum tree branches, I wove the bottom from Palm branches, and the sides and stern came from a Eucalyptus tree".

"But -- but, that's impossible," stuttered the man, "you had no tools or hardware, how did you manage?"

"Oh, that was no problem," replied the woman, "on the south side of the island there is a very unusual strata of alluvial rock exposed. I found that if I fired it to a certain temperature in my kiln, it melted into forgeable ductile iron. I used that for tools, and used the tools to make the hardware."

The guy was stunned.

"Let's row over to my place," she said. After a few minutes of rowing, she docked the boat at a small wharf. As the man looked onto shore he nearly fell out of the boat. Before him was a stone walk leading to an exquisite bungalow painted in blue and white. While the woman tied up the rowboat with an expertly woven hemp rope, the man could only stare ahead, dumbstruck. As they walked into the house, she said casually "It's not much, but I call it home. Sit down please; would you like to have a drink?"

"No, no thank you" he said, still dazed, "can't take any more coconut juice."

"It's not coconut juice," the woman replied. "I have a still. How about a Pina Colada?"

Trying to hide his continued amazement, the man accepted, and they sat down on her couch to talk. After they had exchanged their stories, the woman announced, "I'm going to slip into something more comfortable. Would you like to take a shower and shave? There is a razor upstairs in the cabinet in the bathroom."

No longer questioning anything, the man went into the bathroom. There in the cabinet was a razor made from bone handle. Two shells honed a to a hollow ground edge were fastened on its end inside of a swivel mechanism. "This woman is amazing," he mused. "What next?"

When he returned, she greeted him wearing nothing but vines - strategically positioned - and smelling faintly of gardenias. She beckoned for him to sit down next to her.

"Tell me," she began, suggestively, slithering closer to him, "we've been out here for a very long time. You've been lonely. There's something I'm sure you really feel like doing right now, something you've been longing for all these months? You know..." She stared into his eyes.

He couldn't believe what he was hearing. "You mean...", he replied, "I can check my e-mail from here?"

---------------

Marooned on an uncharted island for months that dragged into years, the man was staring at the horizon, like he did every day, when a distant speck caught his attention. As he watched, it seemed to get larger and nearer. In time, he could make out the image of someone swimming straight toward him. Close enough now to stand, the figure revealed itself to be a gorgeous woman in a short wetsuit, taking off her flippers and mask, and wading in to him with a beautiful smile.

"Hi!" she said. "Been here long?"

"Oh, yes!" he replied. "I thought I'd never see another human being again! How did you..."

She unzipped her wetsuit down to just below the level of her breasts, and pulled a silver silver flask out. "Care for a drink?"

Dumbfounded, he paused, then accepted the flask, unscrewed the cap, sniffed it, and took a long pull of 12 year old single malt Scotch whiskey. The liquor was quite intoxicating and warmed him to his toenails.

"Wow!" he gushed, "that was great! But how did you..."

She unzipped her wetsuit down to below her navel, pulled out a rather small plastic box, popped it open, and said "Would you like a cigarette?"

Like a kid at Christmas, he took one, put it to his lips, and sure enough, she was there with the lighter. The smoke went deep into his lungs and was pure bliss.

"Oh!... Oh!" he beamed. "This is unbelievable! This is pure heaven! ... But how in the world... "

She then unzipped her wetsuit all the way, and with a coy smile, said "Is there ANYTHING else you might like?"

Astonished, and his eyes as big as cocoanuts, he said, "You're Kidding! Really? You got a set of golf clubs in there too?"