A woman went to a pet shop and immediately spotted a large beautiful parrot. There was a sign on the cage that said $50.00. "Why so little?" she asked the pet store owner.
The owner looked at her and said, "Look, I should tell you first that this bird used to live in a house of prostitution, and sometimes it says some pretty vulgar stuff."
The woman thought about this, but decided she had to have the bird anyway. She took it home and hung the bird's cage up in her living room and waited for it to say something. The bird looked around the room, then at her, and said, "New house, new madam."
The woman was a bit shocked at the implication, but then thought "that's not so bad."
When her two teenage daughters returned from school the bird saw them and said, "New house, new madam, new whores."
The girls and the woman were a bit offended but then began to laugh about the situation. Moments later, the woman's husband Keith came home from work. The bird looked at him and said, "Hi Keith."
David received a parrot for his birthday. This parrot was fully-grown with a bad attitude and terrible vocabulary. Every other word was an expletive. Those that weren't expletives were, to say the least, rude.
David tried hard to change the bird's attitude. He was constantly saying polite words and playing soft music; he tried everything he knew. Nothing worked. When he yelled at the bird, the bird got worse. If he shook the bird, the bird got madder and ruder.
Finally in a moment of desperation, David put the parrot in the freezer. For a few moments he heard the bird squawking, kicking and screaming horrible expletives. Then, suddenly, there was quiet. David was frightened that he might have actually hurt the bird and opened the freezer door.
The parrot calmly stepped out onto David's extended arm and said: "I'm sorry that I might have offended you with my language and actions, so I ask for your forgiveness. I will endeavor to correct my behavior."
David was astounded at the bird's change of attitude and was about to ask what had changed him... when the parrot continued: "May I ask what the chicken did?"