Easterners

I was commuting from the Borough of Queens to my job in Manhattan. I'd finished reading the morning paper and was saving it to bring to friends on the job. How do you save a newspaper on the subway? You sit on it.

A new commuter came in, saw the newspaper under my rear and asked the second most stupid question I've ever heard (someday I may tell of the first), "Are you reading that paper?"

I stood up, turned the page, sat down on the paper and answered, "Yes."

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A Winter Wonderland
New Jersey Style

    Driver's swear ..... are you listenin',
    At the Mall .....folks are bitchin',
    A miserable sight ..... they're sorry tonite,
    Drivin' in New Jersey's TrafficLand!

    Gone away ...... are your tires,
    Meter has ......  just expired,
    They towed you away, while you shopped today,
    Parkin' in New Jersey's TrafficLand!

    On the Parkway we will have a breakdown,
    We'll be stuck and threathened on the side,
    If we're lucky, muggers might come mug us,
    And if we plead they may give us a ride!

    Santa's sleigh ..... was impounded,
    All the Elves ...... were surrounded,
    He's now in a cell .... for ringin' his bell,
    Living in New Jersey's TrafficLand!