Blondes

A blonde's car breaks down on the Interstate one day. So she eases it over onto the shoulder of the road. She carefully steps out of the car and opens the trunk.

Out of the trunk jump two men in trench coats, who walk to the rear of the vehicle where they stand facing oncoming traffic and begin opening their coats and exposing their nude bodies to approaching drivers...


Not surprisingly, one of the worst pileups in history of this highway occurs. It's not very long before a police car shows up.

The cop, clearly enraged, runs toward the blonde of the disabled vehicle yelling, "What the heck is going on here?"

"My car broke down," says the lady, calmly.

"Well, what are these perverts doing here by the road?!" asks the cop.

"Those are my emergency flashers!" she replied.


------------------------------

Three women escaped from a prison, a red-head, a blonde and a brunette. They run to a nearby farm and quickly go into a barn and find 3 empty brown sacks. Each lady jumps in a sack.


Minutes later, the police go take a look at the barn and find the 3 sacks. One officer kicks the first sack and the brunette mutters
"Meow! Meow!"

The officer says, "it's just some kittens."

He proceeds to kick another sack and as he does the red-head mutters "Woof! Woof!"

The officer says, "It's just some puppies."

He then kicks the final sack and the blonde mutters "Potatoes!!!"

--------------------

A blonde girl walks down to the river's edge, looking for a way to cross, but there's no bridge and no boats in sight. She does, however, spot another blonde on the opposite bank, and calls out, "HEY- YOU OVER THERE- HOW DO I GET TO THE OTHER SIDE OF THE RIVER?"


The other blonde, puzzled, looks up and down the river, then behind her, and finally replies,"YOU ALREADY ARE ON THE OTHER SIDE OF THE RIVER..."

----------------

Two girls, a blonde and a brunette, are trying out for the swim team, specifically the 500 meter breaststroke. They both dive in, and the brunette wins by a huge margin.

The blonde finally finishes, climbs out, and says, " I don't mean to be a snitch, but I think that other girl was using her arms!"

----------------

A brunette, redhead, and a blonde go into a bar. The brunette says to the barkeep, "I'd like a BL."

The bartender replies, "What's a BL?"


The brunette answers in a snotty voice, "A Bud Light. DUH!"


So, the bartender dutifully serves up a Bud Light.


Then, the redhead says, "I'd like an ML."


The bartender asks, "What's an ML?"


The redhead answers, as if to a slow child, "Miller Lite. DUH!"


After serving the redhead, the bartender, now wary and on alert, turns to the blonde.


She says, "I'd like a fifteen, please."


The bartender thinks and then says, "Okay, I understand that a BL is a Bud Light and an ML is a Miller Lite. But, I can't figure out what a fifteen is."


The blonde rolls her eyes, tosses her hair and answers, "A Seven and Seven. DUH!"

----------------

A blonde who had been unemployed for several months got a job with Public Works. She was to paint lines down the center of a rural road. The supervisor told her that she was on probation and that she must stay at or above the set average of 2 miles per day to remain employed.

The blonde agreed to the conditions and starts right away. The supervisor checking up at the end of the day, found that the blonde had completed 4 miles on her first day, double the average! "Great," he told her, "I think you're really going to work out."


The next day, however, he was disappointed to find that the blonde only accomplished 2 miles. The supervisor thought, "Well she's still at the average and I don't want to discourage her, so I'll just keep quiet."


The third day however the blonde only did one mile and the boss thought, "I need to talk to her before this gets any worse." The boss pulled the new employee in and says, "You were doing so great. The first day you did 4 miles, the second day 2 miles, but yesterday you only did one mile. Why? Is there a problem? An injury, equipment failure? What's keeping you from meeting the 2 mile minimum?"


The blonde replied "Well, each day I keep getting farther and farther away from the bucket."

--------------

A woman wants the inside of her house painted and she calls a contractor in to help her. They wander around the house, and she points out the colors she wants. She says, "Now, in the living room, I'd like to have a neutral beige, very soft and warm."

The contractor nods, pulls out his pad of paper and writes on it. Then he goes to the window, leans out and yells, "Green side up!"


The woman is most perplexed but she lets it slide. They wander into the next room. She says, "In the dining room I'd like a light white, not stark, but very bright and airy."


The contractor nods, pulls out his pad of paper and writes on it. Then he goes to the window, leans out, and yells "Green side up"!


The woman is even more perplexed but still lets it slide. They wander further into the next room. She says, "In the bedroom, I'd like blue. Restful, peaceful, cool blue."


The contractor nods, pulls out his pad of paper and writes on it. Then once more he goes to the window, leans out and yells "Green side up"!


This is too much. The woman has to ask. So she says, "Every time I tell you a color, you write it down, but then you yell out the window 'Green side up.' What on earth does that mean?"


The contractor shakes his head and says, "I have four blondes laying sod across the street."

--------------

Two blondes were driving through Louisiana. As they were approaching the town of Natchitoches, they started arguing about the pronunciation of the name. They argued back and forth until they stopped for lunch. As they stood at the counter, one blonde asked the manager, "Before we order, could you please settle an argument for us? Would you please pronounce where we are,...very slowly?"

The manager leaned over the counter and said, "Burrrrrrrr-gerrrrrrr-Kiiiiing."

--------------

Q: How do you know that a blonde has been working at your computer?

A: White-out on the monitor.

--------------

 Three women who work in the same office notice that their female boss has started leaving work early every day, so one day they decide that after she leaves, they'll take off early, too. After all, she never calls or comes back, so how is she to know?

The brunette is thrilled to get home early. She does a little gardening, watches a movie and then goes to bed early.


The redhead is elated to be able to get in a quick workout at her health club before meeting a dinner date.


The blonde is also very happy to be home early, but as she goes upstairs she hears noises coming from her bedroom. She quietly opens the door a crack and is mortified to see her husband in bed with HER BOSS!! Ever so gently, she closes the door and creeps out of her house.


The next day the brunette and redhead talk about leaving early again, but when they ask the blonde if she wants to leave early also, she exclaims, "NO WAY! Yesterday I almost got caught!"

--------------

The Mirror

Legend has it that there is a bar in New York where, in the Ladies Room, there is a very special mirror. If one stands in front of the mirror and tells the truth, one is granted a wish. However, if one tells a lie,

*POOF* -you are instantly swallowed up by the mirror, never to be seen again.

A redhead of questionable looks walks into the Ladies Room and stands before the mirror and says, "I think I'm the most beautiful woman in the world."

*POOF* -the mirror swallows her.

Next, a rather large brunette stands before the mirror and says, "I think I'm the sexiest woman alive!

*POOF* -the mirror swallows her.

 Then an absolutely gorgeous blond comes in and stands before the mirror and says, "I think..."

*POOF*

--------------

A blonde and a brunette were walking past a flower shop when the brunette happened to notice her boyfriend buying flowers. "Oh no, my boyfriend is buying me flowers again for no particular reason," sighed the brunette.

The blonde looked at her friend oddly and said, "What's the big deal? Don't you like getting flowers?"


"Oh, sure I do, but I really don't feel like spending the next three days on my back with my legs in the air."


The blonde thought for a moment and then asked, "Don't you have a vase?"

--------------

INVENTIONS BY BLONDES

The water-proof towel

Glow in the dark sunglasses


Solar powered flashlights


Submarine screen doors


A book on how to read


Inflatable dart boards


A dictionary index


Mechanical Pencil sharpeners


Powdered water


Pedal-powered wheel chairs


Waterproof tea bags


Watermelon seed sorter


Zero proof alcohol


Reusable ice cubes


See-through toilet tissue


Skinless bananas


Do-it-yourself road map


Turnip ice cream


Toe implants


An all white flag


Rolls Royce pickup truck